I managed to stay sugar-free yesterday even tho' it was a tough one. I know that I am an emotional & stress eater and nothing stresses me out like my kid. Yesterday was her annual IEP. This is where we go to her school to meet with all her teachers & therapists to review past progress, map out goals for the coming year and determine resources. All in all, it was a pretty good meeting. The kid makes progress in her own way and at her own pace. Between all the different therapists, she has a team of 8 people around her. I find that pretty amazing. She had severe special needs & is just at the local public school. We don't live in the best part of town & her school is not highly rated but they still manage to support her. There has been a fair amount of drama at her school this year - new principal, new special ed teacher who left after one semester, another new special ed teacher, etc. So some parts of her support system are getting settled but some seem to be working really well - her hearing & speech therapists make a great team, the physical therapist is also rock solid & quick to work with the PT we use outside of school.
However, anything & everything to do with the kid is a "thing" to me. She's in 4th grade now which means one more year in elementary school before going to middle school. But the district just closed down the special-ed program at the middle school in our part of town. Closest middle school that could take her is about 40min away & clear across Denver. We're also thinking about holding her back a year but there are issues with that - so decisions, decisions. stress & more stress.
On the surface, the meeting was productive but it definitely triggered a lot of emotions for me. Chief among them was my "you're not a good enough/involved enough/loving enough mother" tape in my head & associated shortcomings. I'll admit that I am not particularly maternal. I love my daughter but being a mother is not the only thing I am. 99% of the time I'm ok with this but I do occasionally feel inadequate.
And what do I usually do when I feel inadequate? Run for the chocolate!!!! As I was leaving her school I was thinking about stopping for a hot chocolate & pastry on the way to work. I did manage to talk myself out of it & just stick to the snacks and lunch I had packed. small step in the right direction.
still a work in progress, my friends....