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Monday, February 28, 2011

Unfill & New Bra

Weigh-in: 193.6lbs
down 0.8lbs from last week.
also, this marks 40% towards goal.

Given the week I had, I'm happy to end up with a loss - even if its a tiny one!  Getting stuck & constantly PBing was no fun.  Of course, I went looking for foods that would not irritate the band.....hello creme brulee & mashed potatoes!  I know, I know, I know - not the best (but soooo yummy).   I guess I just survived a serious over-restriction situation.  It was strange - I was very hungry even tho' I kept shoveling mushies into my piehole.  Live & learn.  Don't want to do that again & I just don't want to be that miserable.

I was able to get an unfill this morning - she only took out .25ccs (for a total of 6.75ccs now).  I've heard small adjustments make a huge difference so hopefully this is enough so I can start eating again :)  Thankfully, I'm not traveling til middle of March (when I go to Europe for a few weeks) & will be close to home if any more adjustments are needed.

My closet is NOT this organized!
On a brighter note, I did a serious closet purge last night.  ooo, it felt so good.   I have a very tiny closet & I was shocked that 5 huge trash bags of too-big clothes came out of such a small space.  Yep, you heard me - 5 bags of clothes that are toooooo big.  I tried on every pair of pants before throwing them in the discard pile.  It was just shocking how much extra room there was - even in those pants that used to feel tight.  Amazing.  I did save one pair of Jared pants but, as for the rest, I'll never go back to that size again.  Even with this purge, I think I'm set for jeans, sweaters & casual shirts for awhile.  Only my nice work wear options took a serious beating.   Will have to correct that before the pending Europe trip but I'll wait a few more weeks.

Finally, I bought a new bra.  I have huge boobs & proper bra fit is really important to me but the old bra was just too big.  I was a 38DD but this time I'm down to a D cup.  yeah!  I even tried on a few C cups - not quite but really not that far away either.  I would love to be a small C cup - big boobs are really more trouble than they are worth.  As my boobs have shrunk they are definitely deflated & pancakety - I see a boob lift in my future!


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Too tight!

My band is waaaaaay too tight.  I'm basically sliming & PBing everything more solid than pudding.   ugh!!!!  This is miserable.

To make matters worse, I'm not even home.  I'm out of town most of this week plus meetings all day Friday so there is no way I can make it down to my drs for unfill.  I have an appt scheduled for next Tuesday am - I'll keep it to do the unfill.  That seems like a long way away.

Let me illustrate - PB'd a chicken soft taco at lunch yesterday.  Had a smoothie at the airport while waiting for my 3-hr delayed flight.  This morning thought to myself "self, its a brand new day!"  Had some eggs & runny oatmeal at the hotel.  Then raced out to jump in my rental & head to the office for a 9am mtg.   Now picture me in a nice work outfit, hair done, make-up just so, fresh breath......and me PBing while stuck in traffic.  For about 30 minutes as I drove up 101.  lovely, no?  Well, at least its a rental........

I did pack some protein powder so I do have something I know I can tolerate.  However, business trips are all about meeting people, grabbing drinks. doing lunch, etc.  There is no way I can eat in front of other people like this.  guess I'll hide out in my hotel tonight.  sigh.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Pics - OMG!!!!


Well, its my 2-month band-iversary & there is sooooo much to catch up on!

First, its Monday which means official weigh-in-
today's weigh-in: 194.4lbs
down 4lbs from last week & down 31lbs since surgery!!! yahoo

Next - check out those pics!!!  Astonishing what a difference 31lbs makes.  Hubs pointed out that my boobs stick our farther than my belly now - uh, thanks, dear.  Actually, DH has been great.  I should do a post on all the great support he has provided me on this journey.  I got a big WOW out of him when he was looking at this pics.  warms my heart.

People are starting to notice at the office.  It feels good.  When someone asks what I'm doing I just say "everything"  - because its so true!  I am tracking my food, going to the gym 5x week, eating lots of protein, drinking lots of water & cutting out bread/pasta/rice/sugar, etc!  Thats all me, baby.

Next, lets look at some measurements.  These numbers really amazed me:
                         12/18/10                          2/20/11                    difference
wrist                     6.5"                               6.25"                     -.25 inches
forearm                11.75"                           11.0"                      -.75 inches
upper arm            14.0"                             13.0"                       -1.0 inches

ankle                     9.5"                               9.0"                       -.5 inches
calf                      18.5"                             16.75"                     -1.75 inches
upper thigh          28.0"                             23.5"                       -4.5 inches

ankle                     9.5"                               9.0"                       -.5 inches
calf                      18.5"                             16.75"                     -1.75 inches
neck                    15.75"                            14.5"                       -1.25 inches

boobs                   44.0"                              41.0"                       -3 inches
just below boobs  38.5"                             36.0"                      -2.5 inches
waist                    39.0"                             34.0"                       -5 inches

belly button          44.5"                             35.0"                      -9.5 inches
hips                      48.5"                             41.5"                      -7 inches
butt                      49.0"                              44.0"                       -5 inches  

Holy cow, people, that's a lot of inches!!!! :)
I really like that calf number - I loved so many boots last fall but could never find a great pair that zipped up over my humongous, beefy calves. I do believe boots will be on my fall shopping list!

Lastly, update on my second fill.  It was a doozy!!  Had my first slime/PB episode Saturday.  uh, gross.  I definitely feel it now.


Friday, February 18, 2011

2nd Fill

I got my second fill yesterday.  My doctor is pretty aggressive with fills so they added another 2.5ccs.  Combined, I now have 7cc in a 10cc band.  Liquids yesterday, mushies now & solid food tonight.

We'll see if anything feels different....


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Why WLS, part 1

I'm a stress eater & today I was stressed.  Which led to an incident with some biscuits & gravy. 'nuf said.  My daughter was in the hospital today for a procedure under anesthesia.  I hate waiting in the waiting room.  waiting. waiting. waiting. Nothing stresses me out like my daughter - but more on that later.

I know that there will be more stress in the future along with cheats, falling off the wagon, epic fails, lbs gained, lbs lost, plateaus, frustrations, aggravations & disappointments in the months to come.  I know when I'm struggling I will look back through old posts looking for redemption, hope and renewed determination.  To my future self, I want to remind her what this whole journey is about.  Now seems like the right time to delve into the reasons why I finally decided to do weight loss surgery.

My reasons are listed right there in my profile & I'll do a post on each one in that order: my career, my daughter, myself.

So, today, it is my career.
I am a career woman.   I'm proud to say that.  I'm proud of my accomplishments.  I have an undergraduate engineering degree, I have an Ivy League MBA.  I have managed $1B+ businesses, multi-million dollar marketing budgets and large staffs.  I'm very good at what I do & I know how to get results.  I can grow a business.  I can grow YOUR business.  I have the highest of ambitions.  Let me say that again - I am ambitious.  (girls aren't really supposed to say that, are they??!)

But let's take a look around....there are only 12 female CEOs in the Fortune 500.  12 out of 500 - just  2.4%.  This list is here   How many are fat?  0   Even the CEO of Sara Lee, Brenda Barnes, is skinny as a rail.

I remember when Carol Bartz became Yahoo's chief & there was a lot of griping out there.  What did they take pot shots at?  Her weight.  Her appearance.  Does any male CEO get this type of flak?  uh, no

Latest studies show a woman only makes 77cents for every dollar a male co-worker earns.  On top of that, a fat woman makes 6cents less than her thin female co-worker.  Check out a few articles: Earn less if you're fatIt Pays to be Thin.

This is not just some theoretical, economics math.  Its real to me, to my family.  My paycheck does not supplement our family income - it IS our family income.  I am the sole breadwinner in my household - paying the mortgage, putting food on the table, clothes on our backs, vacations, cars, school loans, planning for retirement, etc all come out of my paycheck.   My ability to land big paychecks & negotiate big salaries is material to my loved ones.

Last summer, I was promoted from middle mgmt to jr exec.  I'm lucky enough to work for a great boss who tells me I'm on the VP track & will have his job in 2 years.  Great stuff to hear but, still, the best time to look for a new job is soon after a promotion.  It got me thinking about what's the next step in my career.  Also, I'm now spending a lot of time on the road, seeing customers, traveling internationally, speaking at conferences, etc.  Appearance matters in all these situations & American ideas of "normal weight" are almost always obese elsewhere in the world.  I'm very often one of the fattest people in any given meeting.

I long ago accepted that, as a women, I had to be amazingly better than my male counterparts to succeed.     Is it fair?  shouldn't we all just be judged on what we accomplish rather than superficial looks?  blah, blah, blah.  whatever.  the game is what is it is.  I'm can always bow out but the rules are obvious.

At 225, my weight was starting to hold me back.  Like I said, I have a great boss but my weight made me hesitate to jump on possible interviews.  This hesitation just ties me to my present employer and limits my ability to job shop around.

So, my future-self, remember that this is about your career.  You've worked so hard to get where you are - losing this weight just clears one more obstacle.  That chair in the corner office may be cushy but it only comes in a small.   Now, put down that pastry & get your ass to the gym!


Monday, February 14, 2011

Weigh-in in Onederland!!!

Today's weigh-in: 198.4 lbs
down 2.4lbs from last week!!  woo-hoo :)

As you can tell, I am very excited by this milestone.  Its probably been about 7-8 years since I was in the 100s.  Of course, I had to celebrate this with a little shopping nothing freaking fits!  All the pants in my closet are waaaaay too big.  I have some big work events coming up in March so I'll wait til those are closer to really buy for those trips.  In the meantime, I picked up a pair of jeans - size 14- and some great work pants - size 14 - at Nordies.  woo-hoo!  Also, a few new shirts - some larges & even a medium.  And why do I fit in these???

Still no restriction but I have another fill on Thursday.  We'll see if anything changes with that one.  However, I am seriously working for each pound lost.  Sticking to about 1200 calories/day,  I'm hitting the gym about 5 days a week & often do back-to-back classes.  Yesterday, I did an hour of Spin & then an hour of Chisel (strength training).  Knowing that my hubs & I are hitting the town tonight, I went early today to swim for about 30 minutes.  I think I'm starting to see muscles!


Monday, February 7, 2011

Weigh-in & a Period. Exclamation Point!

Today's weigh-in:  200.8lbs
down 2.2 lbs last week.  not bad considering I ate pizza & cake at a bday party plus all the SuperBowl nosh.  Also means that next week I should be in onederland!!!!  yeah :)

Something interesting - at least interesting to me - has happened....I got my period!  Its been years & years since Aunt Flo visited.  A few years ago I got rather worried & went to my gyno for a complete work-up.  After lots of tests nothing really explained the lack of period.  In the back of my mind, I always wondered if my weight was a factor.  Now that I have lost 10% of my starting weight & she's back - I guess so, eh?

Not sure what happens next - if it goes away, lingers for a while or ever gets back on somewhat of a schedule.  Suppose I'll just go with the flow! hahahahah


Friday, February 4, 2011

First fill & first doubts

I had my first fill Wednesday.  My drs office is pretty aggressive so they put in 4.5cc into a 10cc band.  It was way more painful than I expected.  Admittedly, I do not like needles but, still, it hurt!  Apparently my port has flipped up on its side & I have a lot of scar tissue that she had to dug through to get to the port.  ouch! not looking forward to more of that.

Big starting step & how does it feel?  NO DIFFERENT!  except that I was ravenous!!  The first weeks after surgery I was not particularly hungry & mild hunger only came back once I started hitting the gym.  So I got a double whammy of no restriction plus starvation roaring back.  I can still take as big as bites, gulp as much water and eat just as much as last week.  *sigh*

I did a lot of research in preparing for this journey & I read of lot of other bandsters' blogs.  I found their stories inspiring, sometimes sad and occasionally scary.  This  research helped me understand the stages of banding but also I wanted to glean habits of those I regarded as successful bandsters.  One thing I noticed was that people who did not gain weight during "bandster hell" seemed to have the best long-term success.  So that's a goal I set for myself - no weight gain through first fill.

So, here I am at first fill but no help from my tool in sight.  I've made it this far on stubbornness & willpower.  That first quality I have in spades but sadly lacking in the latter.   I knew I could do this for a little while if there would be help (in terms of restriction) coming along the way.  If it was only going to happen on willpower alone then it would be a short journey.

And now the doubts creep in....that was such a big fill & not feel ANY difference - did it really all go into the band?  will my port flip all the way over?  can I really do this?  I was at the gym the other night checking out my reflection and it hit me how very far I have to go.   can I go the distance?

I'm also self-pay.  The first 3months all visits are covered but after that I start paying for office visits. Fills aren't cheap - I think they run about $200 each.  How many will it take to get to my sweet spot?

So, back on that old standby: stubbornness. I heading to the gym.  I have fill appts scheduled every 2 weeks through March.... be continued.