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Friday, February 4, 2011

First fill & first doubts

I had my first fill Wednesday.  My drs office is pretty aggressive so they put in 4.5cc into a 10cc band.  It was way more painful than I expected.  Admittedly, I do not like needles but, still, it hurt!  Apparently my port has flipped up on its side & I have a lot of scar tissue that she had to dug through to get to the port.  ouch! not looking forward to more of that.

Big starting step & how does it feel?  NO DIFFERENT!  except that I was ravenous!!  The first weeks after surgery I was not particularly hungry & mild hunger only came back once I started hitting the gym.  So I got a double whammy of no restriction plus starvation roaring back.  I can still take as big as bites, gulp as much water and eat just as much as last week.  *sigh*

I did a lot of research in preparing for this journey & I read of lot of other bandsters' blogs.  I found their stories inspiring, sometimes sad and occasionally scary.  This  research helped me understand the stages of banding but also I wanted to glean habits of those I regarded as successful bandsters.  One thing I noticed was that people who did not gain weight during "bandster hell" seemed to have the best long-term success.  So that's a goal I set for myself - no weight gain through first fill.

So, here I am at first fill but no help from my tool in sight.  I've made it this far on stubbornness & willpower.  That first quality I have in spades but sadly lacking in the latter.   I knew I could do this for a little while if there would be help (in terms of restriction) coming along the way.  If it was only going to happen on willpower alone then it would be a short journey.

And now the doubts creep in....that was such a big fill & not feel ANY difference - did it really all go into the band?  will my port flip all the way over?  can I really do this?  I was at the gym the other night checking out my reflection and it hit me how very far I have to go.   can I go the distance?

I'm also self-pay.  The first 3months all visits are covered but after that I start paying for office visits. Fills aren't cheap - I think they run about $200 each.  How many will it take to get to my sweet spot?

So, back on that old standby: stubbornness. I heading to the gym.  I have fill appts scheduled every 2 weeks through March.... be continued.


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