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Monday, January 30, 2012

Toddling into Maintenance-ville

today's weigh-in: 147.6lbs
weeks of maintenance: 2

I feel like a toddler who has learned to walk by clinging to the side of the couch but is now starting to venture out into open space.  This is how I view the transition from "losing" stage to "maintenance" stage.   In my case, the "couch" is all those things I've done in the last year to be successful.  See this post here.  Now that I am venturing out, I need to figure out which of those tools I'll keep with me and which of them I'll let go.

I was a successful loser but I've never been a successful maintainer.  Honestly, this is the part I always fuck up.  Like most of you, I've lost weight in the past but I always end up gaining all of it plus more back.  I've never lost this much before.  80lbs in about a year is fantastic.  Before lapband, the most I'd lost was about 30lbs on phen-fen.  (Remember phen-fen? ugh!)   How is this time going to be different? 

New success factors:
 - Commitment. Instead of a weight-loss pounds goal, I set a weight-maintain time goal.  Let me put it out into the universe...I want to be under 150lbs on Jan 1, 2013. 
- Weight range.  My goal range is 146-148lbs.  If I fall in this range, then I won't freak out (even though I gained 1.5lbs last week after eating my way thru NYC & Boston).  If I'm above 148lbs, I'll know to start exerting control.  If I'm above 150lbs, I'll freak & go back to my tried & true bandster ways.  I know this range might seem kind of small but baby steps....
- Exercise.  Can't give this up.  I love how I feel after working out plus I think its now more for mental health than just physical.  However, I don't want to get complacent or bored with my routine.  I recently added in some running to mix things up a bit.  First time out, I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes.  Now contemplating a few 5ks or some mud runs over the summer to keep it interesting.  Also, I know I want to ride a couple of centuries (100 miles) this summer, too.  Actually, not sure what to change here at all... I love my kickboxing because its works out my aggression; I love weights for the toning & I love yoga for the peaceful stretching.  Perhaps when the weather warms up, I'll find new ways to be outside instead of such a gym rat.
- Food.  I still like planning meals & cooking at home.  I just feel better when I do this.  However, I will be traveling a lot this year which means much more eating out.  I need to work on dining out smartly.  Also. with all this exercise, I need to fuel properly to keep up my energy.  I need to find that balance.  My band is well adjusted & I can eat most things.  I'm thinking I may need to let carbs back in.....
-Tracking.  Yes, I'm still logging into MFP every day.  can't seem to stop.  I did bump up my daily calorie goal from 1200 to 1500.  I'm going to keep doing this until I get a feel for this intake level. still holding on to couch with both hands on this one.
- Scale whore.  Instead of weighing everyday I am going to just weigh in once a week. 
- Accountability - gonna keep blogging & will continue to post my weekly weigh-ins.  I'd miss this community too much if I bowed out. :)

I'll give this a shot & see how it goes.  I'll adjust as needed.  If I fall down then I'll dust myself off and get going again.  isn't that how life really works??


Thursday, January 26, 2012

a la Carrie Bradshaw

I had a great win this week :)
Even though I have literally been around the world, I'd never been to NYC - until this week.  When I was younger, the opportunity never came up but when I was in early 30s, I deliberately avoided NYC. 

Why?  Sex & the City. (damn show ruined me!)  I always wanted to see NYC but I wanted to do it in style - stay in a great hotel, shop til I drop, soak it all up.   Couldn't do that when I was a fattie - I wanted to visit NYC when I was cute & fabulous.  well, guess what?  I am! cute.and.fabulous that is....

I got into NYC Tuesday afternoon & I was so happy that my bestie who just moved from Denver to NJ met me in the city.  We wondered up Fifth Avenue to Rockefeller Center, shopped & then moseyed over to Times Square to grab dinner.  I loved it!  Loved the vibe!  Loved the people watching! Loved just walking around!  I call my hubs straightaway & told him we need to schedule some time to really explore the city.

Short trip for me - business meetings all day Wed & out early this morning off to Boston.  But ready to go back & do up it right :)

Back to SATC...actually I never really loved that show & the Carrie character always annoyed the snot out of me.  I mostly just wanted to smack her for being so stoopid.  However, always loved her obsession with shoes.   Managed to pick up these great pair of Brian Atwood booties on sale...

Hello, lover!

Monday, January 23, 2012

On the road again....

Monday's weigh-in: 146.2lbs
this is week 1 of maintenance...

Starting this week, I'm basically back on the road.  I'm home today but leave first thing tomorrow for stops in NYC & Boston.  Next week its a quick trip to Phoenix.  Week after that its San Francisco & LA.  Plus trips to Chicago, Paris, Montreal & Toronto all before the end of March.  This is just trips I know about - I'm sure my calendar will continue to fill in.

I'm thinking a lot about the shift into maintenance mode.   I have a goal (because I am a type-A driven kinda girl so I need a destination).  For the first time, my destination is not a target weight but a target time.  I want to be under 150lbs in one year's time.  Now that I know where I want to go, I just need to work out the steps how to get there....that's what I'm trying to get my head around.

Have a great week!

Friday, January 20, 2012


today's weigh-in: 145.8lbs
down 1lb from Monday.
I know this is not my usual weigh-in day but I am declaring victory now and moving on.

Well, I am here. goal.  exactly 13 months to the day from surgery.  In all honesty, it is totally surreal.  not real.  Can I declare goal again when my brain catches up to my body?

The problem is that I am too tight - the fill I got from my doc totally pushed me over the edge. I've lost 4lbs since last Wed.  Also, this week was a no workout week - work was beyond crazy!  People in my division are spread out all over - I have staffers in Boston, Denver & the Bay Area.  So once or twice a year, my boss gathers everyone in Denver for a couple days of face-to-face meetings.  Its a good thing & I'm glad we do it but it gets cray-cray with extra meetings.  All week I've been in day-long meetings plus executive dinners & drinks every night.  With this fill I've been struggling to get to 1000 calories when I think I should be closer to 1500 now that I'm heading into maintenance-ville.  too tight! Its probably a good thing I couldn't workout this week - I probably would've passed out in kickbox.

Just to illustrate how tight I am let me share this gem of a story....a big part of my role is to work with outside vendors to incorporate their products into ours.  Obviously, there is a lot of jockeying for position with the vendors since contracts with my company can be literally be worth tens of millions of dollars.  Access to execs & executive relationships are key to successful business.  Well, one of our long time vendors wanted to have a meeting with my Sr Engineering VP & they spent $75k in sponsorships in order to secure time on his calendar.  That meeting with the vendor CEO & my VP was this week and I was one of a three people invited.  Definitely cool for me to be included!  The meeting went great & then we adjourned to a very nice restaurant for a posh dinner.  Bread is on the table but I pass.  Everyone orders appetizers & first course but I pass.  I nurse one glass of wine for the entire evening & only drink about half a glass.  I know I'm tight so for dinner I order seared scallops.  should be safe, right?  ah, not so much.   I nearly projectile PB'd scallop all over the CEO before grabbing my phone & giving the "oooh, I gotta take this" look & racing for the bathroom.  sooooo not good! (even after paying $75k to get this meeting, the other company still had to pick up the dinner tab!)

This is not exactly how I wanted to cross the finish line but here I am.....and I can confidently say....I think the doc was right.  This is just a little too far for me.  145 is not a goal for me - its the lower limit.  My hubs is starting to get that concerned look in his eyes.  He has enough to worry about & I don't want to add to that.  When I started I just picked 145lb out of nowhere.  I'm proud of myself for being stubborn enough to reach a long-dreamt of goal but I'm even more proud that I can look around at where I am at realize its not quite right.

I did manage to get in to see the nurse this morning so she could do a slight unfill.  Hoping that this gets me back to green.

Now I need to do some serious thinking about what maintenance means for me & try to figure out how to flip the switch from "lose" to "hold"  any suggestions?


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

what choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

today's weigh-in: 146.8lbs
down about 3lbs from last week.  new lowest low!

First, I must admit that I am no longer sugar-free.   My FIL was in town this weekend & we went out for a nice dinner last night.  We split a dessert - my first chocolate. mmmmm.   Didn't quite last the month - made it about 10days.   I don't object to eating chocolate - I just objected when it started feeling out of control.  If I start feeling like that again, I'm confident I can come back to this strategy to help get me back in balance.  It's all about moderation.  Plus, I think I need to add back in some sweets to get my calories up....

I had my one-year appt with my bariatric surgeon last week.  It went great!  He was so complimentary & proud of me. :)  He said a lot of interesting things at the meeting....
- he said the most important day is not the day we get the band but the day we DECIDE to make a change.  it really is mental game.
-he said that the band should not be doing most of the work.  He said in successful patients, the band gets a B- grade while the exercise & food choices should be an A. 
- he said that I am done & I should not lost any more weight.  He said that my range should be 145-155lbs.....I could even go up to 160lbs & that I should never be below 145lbs.  wha'???!
-lastly, he said that if I'm below 155lbs then I should not have a single weight-related thought or concern in my head.  what am I going to fill my head with now?

WHAT CHOO TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?????  really, these last two bits are going to take me a while to digest. even longer to accept. 

and then after telling me to stop losing he gave me .25cc fill.  a little confusing but I'll go with it.....


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

7.5 days sugar-free so far

I managed to stay sugar-free yesterday even tho' it was a tough one.  I know that I am an emotional & stress eater and nothing stresses me out like my kid.  Yesterday was her annual IEP.  This is where we go to her school to meet with all her teachers & therapists to review past progress, map out goals for the coming year and determine resources.  All in all, it was a pretty good meeting.  The kid makes progress in her own way and at her own pace.  Between all the different therapists, she has a team of 8 people around her.  I find that pretty amazing.  She had severe special needs & is just at the local public school.  We don't live in the best part of town & her school is not highly rated but they still manage to support her.  There has been a fair amount of drama at her school this year - new principal, new special ed teacher who left after one semester, another new special ed teacher, etc.  So some parts of her support system are getting settled but some seem to be working really well - her hearing & speech therapists make a great team, the physical therapist is also rock solid & quick to work with the PT we use outside of school.

However, anything & everything to do with the kid is a "thing" to me.  She's in 4th grade now which means one more year in elementary school before going to middle school.  But the district just closed down the special-ed program at the middle school in our part of town.  Closest middle school that could take her is about 40min away & clear across Denver.  We're also thinking about holding her back a year but there are issues with that - so decisions, decisions.  stress & more stress.

On the surface, the meeting was productive but it definitely triggered a lot of emotions for me.  Chief among them was my "you're not a good enough/involved enough/loving enough mother" tape in my head & associated shortcomings.  I'll admit that I am not particularly maternal.  I love my daughter but being a mother is not the only thing I am.  99% of the time I'm ok with this but I do occasionally feel inadequate.  

And what do I usually do when I feel inadequate?  Run for the chocolate!!!!  As I was leaving her school I was thinking about stopping for a hot chocolate & pastry on the way to work.  I did manage to talk myself out of it & just stick to the snacks and lunch I had packed.  small step in the right direction.

still a work in progress, my friends....


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I've been tagged!

Shout out to Gator Girl who tagged me.  Thank you!!!
I'm with Ronnie & it seems like pretty much everyone has been tagged so I won't tag anyone else.

The Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ Blah blah blah, you legiti­mately have to tag 11 peeps!
11 Random things about me: 
  1. I was a radio DJ in college.  I went to a state school affectionately known as "Silo Tech" in rural Kansas.  *Everyone* listened to country but the college station played all alternative & grunge.  I think I had maybe 6 listeners.
  2. I've been to 6 continents.  Only one to go...
  3. Even though I travel a ton, I have never been to NYC.  crazy, eh?  This is about to change - I have a business meeting there in two weeks.  Won't have anytime to go sightseeing or shopping tho'.
  4. I used to fence in high school.  I was actually pretty good & won a couple of tournaments.  Loved the sword fighting.
  5. I hate the huge, big box stores like Super Walmart or Super Target.  I find them overwhelming & usually end up wandering around in a daze.
  6. My family moved around a lot when I was little (my dad's company liked to move people around).  By the time I was in 9th grade I had been to seven different schools.
  7. I hate pink & green.  You'll find nothing with either of those colors in my closet.
  8. I'm addicted to crossword puzzles.
  9. I love matching bra & panties.
  10. I will never be a morning person.
  11. I want to go to BOOBS this year!

Gator Girl Questions:
  1. Do you have any tattoos? If so what are they of? Yes, a griffin on my right hip.  A griffin is part eagle & part lion.  To me, it symbolizes being smart enough to get what you want & strong enough to keep it.  Actually, my tat just turned 20 years old on Jan 1.  I've been thinking I should get it touched up & even expanded to represent who I am now.
  2. What is the most played song on your ipod? "How Do You Like Me Now" by The Heavy. 
  3. What is your favorite form of exercise? As for working out exercise - kickboxing.  good sweat & works out my frustrations.  As for a sport - scuba diving.  but a little hard to do in Denver.
  4. If you could learn to do anything? What would it be? Either learn a foreign language or learn how to play the trumpet.
  5. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would do?  Fully fund a trust for my daughter.  I want to make sure she'll be taken care if something happens to me.
  6. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Shoes.
  7. Describe yourself in three words.  Ambitious, independent, smart
  8. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Antarctica - the only continent I haven't been to yet.
  9. What is your biggest fear?  Losing my child.
  10. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for? My child would always be safe, my husband to always be healthy & for me to always be grateful.
  11. Can you keep a secret? Wouldn't you like to know!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Random Ramblings & a Chemical Peel

today's weigh-in: 149.6lbs
down 1lb from last week.  burning thru the holiday gain.  just happy to be down given all the football watch party goodies on Friday and Sunday plus not being able to workout since Thursday.  more on that later.....

Just a bunch a random things for today:
- Sugar-free challenge:  I confess that I went on a bit of sugar binge late last year starting at Halloween and then peaking around Xmas.  My daily small piece of chocolate mushroomed into several pieces & then into bars of chocolate.  Plus cookies, pies, ice cream, etc.  Even added more "sweet" into other items like 3-4 packs of splenda in my cappuccino instead of 1.    Time to get clean.  I have challenged myself to go sugar-free for the entire month of January.  "Sugar-free" to me means no sweets, no desserts, no sugar or honey in my tea.  And NO chocolate.  I admit - this will be tough.  I started last Wed , so I am 6 days clean. Anybody want to join me?

- Premium denim NSV: a big goal for me at the beginning of this was to squeeze into some really primo denim.  And now I have!  I bought two pairs just after xmas.  Seven for All Mankind in size 28s.  woo-hoo!!!!  First time in my life that jean shopping was not totally traumatic. 

-Dress shopping:  The hubs came with me on the jean shopping experience.  what a good egg!  After that, we were wondering around Larimer Square.  Its a great little area with lots of bars, restaurants, shops, etc.  He spotted a dress in a little boutique that he really liked.  I volunteered to go try it on - because I can do that now. :)  The shop only had sizes 0, 2 & 4 in that dress so I grabbed the 4.  It didn't fit that great but then we chatted up the owner & I started trying on a bunch of other cute dresses.  My hubs & I have very different tastes about fashion.  I like tailored, structured, simple, solids, neutrals & all business.  He likes flowy, girly, colors, patterns & ornate.  I ended up getting 2 dresses!  One in each "style".  One is a black sheath dress with very clean lines.  The other breaks all my usual rules for dressing.  First, its a maxi dress.  As a fat girl, I never thought that adding all that extra material was helpful.  Also, this dress has a halter top with bare-back, shoulders & arms.  Bits I don't consider my best bits so I usually don't highlight them.  Also, since its a halter I can't where a bra.  yikes!!! The halter has a deep keyhole - lots of side boob going on.  When I tried it on, I could practically feel the heat in his eyes.  love it :)  I really don't have anyplace to wear this thing but he's going to arrange a great dinner out & a show when it warms up a bit. 

- Wed is my one-year follow-up with my surgeon.  I know he is going to be so proud of me!  Gotta figure out something stunning to wear.

- On a sadder note, my best friend moved away last week. boo.  In my head, I understand why she had to move away but it just makes my heart ache.  I will email & chat with her regularly but it wouldn't be anything like meeting her up for a long, gossipy lunch.  She has been soooo supportive of me in the last year & I am just going to  miss her.

- New sports bra:  I shrunk out of another sports bra.  I started out last year at a 38DD - I'm now a 34C.  I think the hubs is a little upset but I'm good with this.  I've always disliked my big boobs & it finally feels like these girls are right-sized to me. 

- Chemical Peel:  New year, new face. right? I got my first ever chemical peel on Friday.  I hate my freckles & am ready to try something to even out my skin tone. I found a nice deal on a series of 3 peels.  Its only just starting to flake now & its getting itchy.  Only bad thing is I can't workout for 48-72hours after and I have to stay out of the sun - so I can't even walk around my neighborhood.

Glad to shake off the holiday craziness & getting back to my usual routine.  Planned the weekly menu & went grocery shopping on Saturday.  Here's what I'm eating this week....
Saturday: Enchilada Casserole with Spicy Black Beans  fairly good but quick & easy.  I boosted the flavor by adding in adobo sauce.  If I make it again, I would completely replace the tomato sauce with adobo sauce.  yum!  I'm having leftovers for lunch today

Sunday: Fried Eggs over Warm Lentil Salad  I couldn't work out Sunday morning so I spoiled myself & made this for breakfast.  great comfort food for me!!  I change this recipe up a bit by wilting the spinach & stirring it in with the lentils.  I love lentils.  yum!!!  Sunday dinner was not so good - went to a friend's house to watch the Broncos game which meant chips, rotel dip, drinks, etc.

Monday: Tea Trade Chicken & Cumin Carrots
I have spoken of my love for Eating Well in the past & I was excited to get a "Cooking for Two" cookbook by Eating Well for xmas.  SO many yummy recipes.  We will definitely be trying most of them - starting with this chicken recipe.

Tuesday: Thyme & Sesame Crusted Halibut with broccoli
gotta get my fish in :)

Wed: Ham & Swiss quiche
I'm getting a fill Wed morning so something softer for dinner will hit the spot

Thursday:Pumpkin & Roasted Red Pepper Turkey Chili
My husband saw this recipe in our local paper & wants to try it.  I love that he is contributing! We're not much into game so we'll swap the venison for turkey & a bit of pork sausage.  It also has pumpkin puree in it.  should be interesting....worth a shot :)

Workout plans:
Monday: 1hr kickbpx + 1 hr chisel
Tuesday: 75min yoga
Wed: 1hr kickbpx + 1 hr chisel
Thurs: rest (or maybe a zumba class)
Friday: 1 hr yoga
Sat: rest

Have a great week!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

2012 crunches

Let me tell you a little bit about the instructor for the Mon/Wed night Chisel class at my gym.  First of all, he's a guy.  Secondly, he used to be a marine.  As you can imagine, he brings a strong military-style to his "butts-n-guts" workouts.

Last night was no exception.  He thought is would be a great idea to start off the new year with 2012 crunches.  for realz.  holy crap!  Here's the breakdown...750 regular, fast crunches.  100 oblique crunches on each side.  50 military-style full sit ups and then 12 crunches with weights under your chin.  All of this interspersed with some serious leg & butt lifts.

Holy crap but I did this!!!! every single damn one of them.  AND after an hour kickbox class.  go me :)


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

My word for 2012

yesterday's weigh-in: 150.6lbs
up about 2.5lbs from week before.  this is what a week with the MIL will do to you!  she's a very good cook & makes all of our favs.  plus a rip roaring NYE night out.  sigh.  guess I'm getting back on the bandwagon like everyone else to start 2012.  Right now - trying to break the sugar addiction plus have a fill appointment next week.  Heading to kickbox tonight.

After a lot of thought, I came up with my word for 2012.  Star.
Many different definitions for star but here are my favs from Merriam-Webster.....
               intransitive verb
               : to play the most prominent or important role 
               : a waxing or waning fortune or fame <her star was rising>
I chose this word for 2012 because I want to star in my own life this year.  I feel like I've spent so many years hiding or doing my best to not be noticed.  Not anymore.  I worked very hard to get here & I want to enjoy it.  To shine.  Yes, I will star in photos.  I will dress super cute & even sexy (but not trashy - I am a lady after all).

Yesterday as I was driving into the office, I was thinking I even need to star more at work.  In all honesty, I checked out a bit last year but now its time to step it up again.  Then later in the afternoon, I had an org discussion with the boss.  He's going to re-org again...I'm picking up more products, more people & more responsibility.  This is a significant increase in my span of control.  Look at that - another opportunity to star. :)