Well, I've been on bit of binge lately. crap! sigh. stupid!
ice cream, cookies, breads, chocolate (lots of chocolate). And I see the results everyday when I weigh myself & yet, still, I binge.
On the positive side, my binges today are not like anything pre-band. At most, I'm consuming 2,000 calories per day - max. My binge now is 4 squares of chocolate or 4 cookies. But this is a far cry from the 1000-1200 daily calories I'd been sticking to. Damage may be less but it still feels like a binge.
Also, I'm catching myself prior to totally going off the deep-end. In fact, I was driving into work this morning & was absolutely starving (even tho' I'd just had my usual morning protein shake). I was thinking to myself I'd just grab a bagel & cream cheese when I get to the office. wha'??!! wait! Then I remembered that I now keep mixed nuts in my desk so I munched on those instead & skipped the carbs. Somewhere in this fail is actually a win for me.......I'm much more aware which helps cut the mindless eating.
Obviously, I am in desperate need of a fill. It actually been about 3 months since my last one. I've got the classic signs: eating way more than a 1/2c or 1c of food in a sitting; hungry within an hour or two; able to eat things (like bread & bagels) I couldn't before. I had an appt scheduled for June 21 but the drs ofc just called & pushed it out a week. grrrrrrrrr. A little trip back through bandster hell - ugh!
But here's whats really bugging me about this whole episode....why? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I sabotaging my good efforts? 60lbs down just around the corner & I pull this kind of crap? We've got friends coming in to town this weekend that haven't seen me since surgery. We have family coming in for 4th of July who I haven't seen in almost 2 years. The big 6month post-op dr appt is just a few weeks away. All of this & yet it feels like I'm falling down just before the (nearest) finish line.