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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Emotional fallout

In the last few posts, I updated you guys on all the medical drama with hubs.  You might be wondering how I have reacted to the craziness & what its done to my weight....this is a WLS blog. after all.  I am an admitted emotional & stress eater and there has been way too much of both in recent weeks which has lead to way too many sugary sweets.

So, can I still fit into all my fabulous clothes? 
Yes.
I am currently bouncing between 146-148lbs. Like I have been for many months.
To go through such an emotional roller coaster & not gain a pound.  wow.  For me, that is an NSV (although its one I wished I'd never had to experience).

I'm not eating perfect - lots of sugar plus carbs have crept back in - but I still follow the band basics like protein first, don't drink your calories & eat small portions often.   Nuts & greek yogurt are entire food groups for me.  In a perfect world after plastics, I'd probably weigh about 3-5lbs less but it is what is.  If you get to that perfect world, send me a postcard because I soooooo do not live there.

The other basic I still stick to is exercise.  In fact, I do truly believe exercise is what kept me sane.  I would spend all day in the hospital sitting by my husband's bedside & then go home to run 5 miles.  Headphones, deep breaths, pounding of my heart and the world would temporarily melt away.  He'd get out of surgery and I'd hop on my bike.   Once I got back to the office & struggled getting back in my regular routine, I headed back to my beloved kickboxing and yoga.  Working out went from being a chore to a reward.  Surprising to say, of everything, yoga was the most important exercise for me during this time.  I always felt rejuvenated & resilient after yoga...like I could face one more day and handle whatever happened next.  Salvation through sweat, my friends. 

I feel different now.   Even after I got to goal with the band, I felt like I was a fraud.  A fat girl hiding in a skinny suit.  Actually, I didn't see myself as skinny at all.  I still saw bloated & puffy. I felt like anything could come out of the blue, knock me off my game & I'd pork out instantly.  I don't feel like that anymore.  I was fat for 10 years - obesity claimed my 30s - but I now I view that decade as an aberration.  Not the normal me.  For the first time (maybe ever), I feel like this - right now - is the real me.  Its a powerful experience.    I stared down a crisis and made it my bitch....plus I can rock a size 6 dress & 4" heels.

Next up for me is a big road race at the end of this month.  Last year, I did my first ever road race - a metric century of 100km.  This year I am going to do the same race but the full century - 100 miles.  Yikes!  I did a 70mile ride on Saturday and it got rough.  The last 30miles, my legs were cramping so bad.  It was rather frustrating because I felt like my body is strong enough to do this ride but I gotta figure out how to fuel & hydrate better.  Tonight I'm going to "reward" myself with a 40mile easy ride.  :)

Update on hubs...he's doing better but bored out of his mind at his parent's house back in Kansas.  He's now about 6 weeks out of surgery and starting to resume activities slowly.  He still gets headaches but they don't seem to be as bad.  Honestly, I wish he'd stay in Kansas a few more weeks until school starts for the kid because once he gets back to Denver, child care is pretty much all on him.  I work during the day or travel & the kid will be home all day.  But he's bored and I haven't seen the kid since mid-June.  Yesterday was her 10th birthday.  Sniffle.  They are coming home Saturday :)

cheers,
chloe


3 comments:

Ronnie said...

Glad to hear your family is coming back soon! Happy 10th to your little lady.

MandaPanda said...

I think it's wonderful you've found comfort through exercise. Hang in there sweetie!

Andrea said...

This is so motivational for me! I sometimes fear those things too, but I know I'm really working on changing my lifestyle and when those hard times come, I hope to be able to stay on track.

Glad that your husband is doing better and they are coming home soon!